Romance of the Past

Romance of the Past

Are you longing for romance of the past, in your relationship? How do you find time as a mom and dad, to keep romance alive when life’s demands get to be too much? Bring the spark back into your marriage. In counseling, it is often to go back to thinking about how things were in your past, so you can understand how to better your future.

When I would work in private practice counseling, I saw many couples longing for romance of the past in their relationships. Remake your marriage, by going back to the romance of the past. It is like remaking a movie, or better yet, coming out your movie but it is version 2 in your marriage movie series. Romance in the past may have included holding hands wherever you went. Now, you have kids and have many other little hands holding yours, which may overwhelm you.

Intimacy and romance can occur throughout the day, just like you are feeling pulled by your other hats you are wearing throughout the day. We all have so many more responsibilities in life nowadays. Instead of pulling away because you are so exhausted, frustrated, etc, sit closer, hold hands again, and have a real conversation starting off with “how do you feel?” That is a beginning step toward intimacy and genuine empathy or care. Give yourselves permission to let romance look different now that you may have kids. However, it does not mean that dating has to stop, or you cannot continue to do similar romance of the past.

Do not look at romance as a duty, but instead set aside time each evening to hold each other and talk. Create the space in your home or at a nearby location, to just be together and relax your body and minds together. Once your children are grown, you need to have a strong relationship and foundation that makes you want to continue to be with each other, as you work through empty nest syndrome. Choose to keep track of how often you are too busy to go out on a date. When is the last time you think you went out on a date?

I encourage you to create a list out on your refrigerator, like a grocery list, and every now and then write down one or two words that remind you of some of your favorite dates ideas or romance of the past. Keep writing for about a month on this list. Eventually, you may have a longer list of date ideas than you think. Even though you don’t think you have time to do those romantic ideas or dates, write it down.

Then, cut into slips, each of these date or romance of the past ideas that you want to do. Spend time writing a “message to the future” to yourselves as a couple about where you want to be as a couple by the time your kids all move out of the house, or 20 to 30 years from now. Then, put these cut slips of paper into the wedding time capsule. Choose if you want a date or to do an old romance of the past fun event, once per week or month, and pull out a slip of paper (from this wedding time capsule) when that time comes. Choose old places you visited as a couple in the past, to have your date. Where did you first meet? What was the first restaurant you ate at as a couple? What was your first hobby you did together as a couple? These are only a few ideas to help you get started thinking about ideas for dates to remember your romance of the past. Learn more about the wedding time capsule here.

What is one date idea you can think of that would be fun? Comment below.

Making Milestone Moments Count,

– Marcie